Verses for Today

Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."

Lamentations 3:22-24

I've been thinking....

Can we ever get so far out of God's will that we become unusable to Him? Does He allow us to make decisions that will lead us off "His" path, even when we are seeking to do what is right? Does God's Will have only one right way, one right answer?
These questions have come up as I've started to think about what God might have for me after I finish seminary in a few weeks. I don't think it's His purpose for me to serve coffee forever, but maybe I'm wrong! I've talked to friends and people I trust, and they have encouraged me to continue seeking the Lord. It's hard for me to trust my own discernment, though. What if God doesn't make the right decision explicitly clear? Is it possible that He could lead me to a fork in the road where either path could be right, and I just have to choose?
I'll be honest- I don't like to make decisions! I don't like deciding what clothes to put on in the morning, or choosing what to eat for dinner- and do not ask me to choose a restaurant when other people are involved! I would much prefer if God would send me a letter or email, and say, "Jess, I want you to go to ______________ and do _____________." It scares me to think that it might be left up to me to make an informed decision and go with it.
I'm reading a book right now that points out that the most frequent command in Scripture is fear not. I'm not really afraid- yet- but yes, I'm anticipating it. Pray that God will give me a clear answer, or strengthen my faith so that I will trust Him to lead me to the right decision.

Living on the Edge

I've never been one to be afraid of changing my hairstyle. After all, it's just hair- and it will grow back! However, this was just a little too much for me to handle. Being a red-head was fun for the week, but if you haven't seen me by now, you're too late (unlike a funky haircut, I can un-do this one, and I am tomorrow!). As much as I like it, it's not me at all and I like it better on other people. Sorry, Kayla, you won't get to see this one in person!

On a more serious note, I spent Thursday and Friday at Catalyst, a Christian leadership conference here in Atlanta (http://www.catalystconference.com/). We got to hear from some amazing speakers, the worship times were incredible, and I was completely refreshed by the end of the two days. Erwin McManus, pastor of the Mosaic church in LA, talked about the story in John 9 where Jesus healed a blind man. He pointed out the irony of Jesus covering a blind man's eyes, and telling him to go (on his own) to a pool named Siloam (Siloam means sent). He then related it to how we, like the blind man, sometimes have to go blind where we are sent. Jesus doesn't always make sense in our human minds, and it's ok. We're not supposed to understand, we're just supposed to go in faith.

Does anyone really know me?

I spent a good part of today working on my Intro to Church Planting class. One of the things I had to do was take a spiritual gifts inventory, and discuss if I thought the results were accurate. It also asked if "people who know me best" confirmed those gifts, and I was actually pretty curious to know, so I called a few people. I talked to my grandmother, my little sister, and my college roommate. Before I told them the results, my Granny and Kayla both said they didn't think I would have scored very strongly on the gift that was actually highest! AND, they both chose one that they felt I had that was in the bottom three as well. Courtney (my old roommate) was fairly on target for most of the list.
Wierd, huh? I was surprised that my family didn't seem to know me, or know my heart, as well. So I began to wonder, why is that? Is it because I don't try to be "as Christ-like" around them? Or do they still think of me as I was growing up? After all, Courtney is the only one who has only known me as an adult. The more I thought about it, the more it saddened me. I should be serving my family more, and treating them better. It's easy to neglect them knowing that they will love me no matter what. No, I don't have to impress them, but I serve to be the hands & feet of Christ (not to impress men), and my family deserves that as much- if not more- from me than random strangers I don't know. I'm disappointed to realize this about myself.
I've been thinking & praying about the future again. Pray that I won't grow impatient waiting to hear back from the Lord, and that it will be a daily priority to be still and listen, so that I will be know when He's trying to answer.

Punishment, or Discipline?

I probably should have updated this a week ago, and it would be useless to try to explain where my time went last week, so I'll just pass over all that and jump right in.
After my "confessions" last week, I felt so much better to have shared my burden, not only with whoever is reading this, but with the Lord too. I decided to stay home last Sunday morning and have a good, long quiet time- just me & God. Not really knowing where to start, I began reading Beth Moore's Praying God's Word (the chapter about overcoming unbelief).
After reading and praying a while, I turned to Hebrews 11... faith has been tough for me lately. I froze on verse 8: By faith Abraham, when called to go... obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going.When I first felt the Lord moving me to leave Texas, this was the verse I clung to!! It was as if God was admonishing me- You used to believe me like this, Jess. Why don't you any more? That was my first lesson.
Then I went on to chapter 12, about discipline. I don't know how many times I've read this before, but it was so fresh. Verse 11: No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. This encouraged me so much! It's like God acknowledged that I'm in a difficult season, He knows where I am and He knows how I feel about it. And He also promised hope that there's a reason for the struggles and that I'll be better off for them. I'm not being punished, I'm being re-shaped.
One thing I love about reading scripture is that the Word of God is living and active (Hebrews 4:12). No matter how much I read, or how many times, it never gets old, it's always refreshing and exciting. I realized (again) that when I'm not hearing the Lord, it's not because He's not communicating with me. I forget to listen sometimes. Ok, a lot of times. It was good to sit and listen, and hear back from Him. I'm so thankful that God is faithful when I am faithless.