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I’m writing this from 38,669 feet in the air, somewhere over Missouri (according to the little map on the screen). So many thoughts are flying through my head, about as fast as this plane is traveling. It’s been a fantastic weekend! I got to see a lot of new things and new places, and I met some amazing new friends who are working diligently to reach college students all over Colorado.
At first, I thought it would be difficult to process and sort out all that I’ve taken in the past five days. I’ve visited eight campuses in five cities- and there were aspects that I liked, and some that I didn’t, of all of them. I asked a lot of questions, and I still don’t have all the answers.
I guess, ultimately, I don’t want the responsibility of making the decision whether or not I should move to Colorado. I don’t want to organize the past few days and make a fact-based decision. I know that I could join any of the teams I met with and be an asset to their ministry. I don’t think it’s a question of what I CAN do, or even what I WANT to do. I want God to make it perfectly, crystal clear. Sometimes He makes it that easy; other times, not so much. I’m afraid of Him leaving this one up to me. Is it too bold to ask God for a black & white answer? Because I don’t just want to know if I should move to Colorado, but also to which city & which campus. I’m willing to put it all out there.
So now I’m feeling like maybe the whole “processing” procedure shouldn’t be that hard at all. (now 38,748- about to cross the Mississippi river from Arkansas to Tennessee) I mean, I’m thankful for the opportunity to see all the options, and those experiences will help me pray more specifically for the work that’s developing on each campus, but maybe I don’t have to sort out anything.
I don’t often trust my own discernment. I don’t want to throw out a fleece like my good friend Gideon (Judges 6), but we think a lot alike. “If I have found favor in your eyes, God, give me a sign that it is really you talking to me.” (6:17)
Last summer in Kenya, I received a clear object lesson. God promises that His Word will be a light unto our path (not a floodlight into the future, like I often look for). Psalm 119:105. Ok, so Kenya…. There were thorny Acacia trees all over the place, and I was paranoid that I was going to run into one of the branches and stab myself in the forehead. I often wished that I had two flashlights, one for my feet, and one to scan up ahead. But I only had one. I was so nervous about the random trees that I usually ignored the path my feet were on and tried to see what was coming, which resulted in me tripping over a loose rock and gashing open my toe. The lesson: quit worrying about what’s ahead, and pay attention to where you are.
The longer I sit here, the more I think I need to go back to Atlanta, and just pray and wait. Not to process, but to be still, and know that He is God and His name will be exalted among the nations (Psalm 46:10).
I’ve now rambled across five states (33,511 feet) and I’m not entirely sure this will make sense to anyone but me. But here it is.
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1 comment:
It makes sense to me.
Sometimes being still is the hardest thing to do. Last Feb. I was in the process of trying to go back overseas...but being still (in F.Worth) is where he wanted me at that time.
Looking back, I continually see little reasons why. He answered me by closing the door at that time so it was much easier than what you are going through. The way I look at it right now is to try and not mess it up with the facts, because what God wants for us doesn't always make perfect sense to us. I will definitely be praying for ya.
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