Today's Quote

Lord, help me to do great things as though they were little, since I do them with Your power; and little things as though they were great, since I do them in Your Name.

- Blaise Pascal

Now, Lord, what do I wait for?

Now, Lord, what do I wait for? My hope is in You. Psalm 39:7

I've asked myself this question a lot lately, especially this past week. I feel like God is trying to teach me patience by having me wait, and wait, and wait some more. Seriously, I really thought I would know by now what I'm supposed to do after I graduate. I was nervous about not knowing the future when then end of seminary was months away, and here I sit, three weeks out, and I still don't know. I'm waiting, but I have no idea what for. Can I just be honest, and say that I'm frustrated?
I talked to a friend last night about our communication with God. He knows every thought of our minds, so we don't really need to tell Him when we're upset- He already knows this. But should we? Is it ok? Does God want to hear our grumblings? I shared that I feel guilty when I gripe at God, because I should be happy with whatever circumstance He puts around me. My friend reminded me of King David, that he was miserable throughout much of the Psalms, and he cried out to God, and then he praised Him anyway. I spent a lot of time reading through that book last night and today, and I can say with confidence that my hope is in the Lord, and I will continue to wait for Him.
The Lord is my portion, therefore I will wait for Him. The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks Him. Lamentations 3:24-25
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful- I know that full well. Psalm 139:14

INFP

That's me, or my personality anyway, according to the Myers-Briggs personality profile. Introverted, intuitive, feeling, and perceiving. My roommate, Erin, recently took the survey, and we're identical- she's an INFP too!! Which is really wierd, because less than 1% of the general population has these four qualities. Interesting....
Anyway, she brought home the paper that describes "our" type, and it was fun reading over this purely analytical report that pretty well describes me and the way I respond to the world. I think my favorite was, "INFPs see logic as something optional." Absolutely!! You can read more about INFP types by clicking here.
What are you??
Oswald's inspiring thought for today:

If you are rightly devoted to the Lord Jesus, you have reached the sublime height where no one ever thinks of noticing you, all that is noticed is that the power of God comes through you all the time.

(from Oswald Chambers' My Utmost for His Highest)

Sign from God?

I went to Birmingham, Alabama, for a few days to see some friends, help Julie pick out a wedding dress, and pray about the potential possibility of working at the University of Alabama-Birmingham's Baptist Collegiate Ministry (BCM).
My friend Megan took me driving around the campus at UAB Friday night. She pointed out most of the buildings and told me what they were, but she didn't know where the BCM was. No biggie, I thought. We parked in a lot for a few minutes and prayed there on the campus, which was wonderfully exhilirating. I didn't get an overwhelming feeling right away that I was in the middle of my new home, but it was a cool campus (in the heart of downtown, which I loved) and I think I could see myself there. Anyway, we went to eat in another area, and on the way home she offered to drive back through the campus again. We stopped to get gas while we were downtown, and at the gas station, there was a homemade poster taped to the light post on the corner. It said "Jessica" in bold green letters and had an arrow pointing down the street. We laughed that maybe God was sending me a sign, but really didn't think about it. Well, I went into the station to use the restroom while Megan pumped gas, and before I left, I asked the girl working inside if she knew where the BCM building was, and randomly enough- she thought she did. She told me to turn at the corner, and even described the building. We went back to the road, and realized the arrow on the sign was pointing down the street where we needed to turn, WHERE THE BCM IS! I can't tell you how big the chill bumps were, or how hard my heart was pounding at that point. I got really excited though, that maybe it wasn't a coincidence for me to finally find that building.
I wish I'd had a camera to prove to everyone else- and myself- that there really was a sign with my name on it! This job is still totally up in the air, but I'm completely excited about the possibility in a new way today. Please pray that it will all work out however it's supposed to.
And by the way- GEAUX TIGERS!!! #4 this week-- fabulous!! Maybe we'll finally get a chance to play USC and regain our national title outright!!

Random thoughts from a friend...

Sermon illustrations sometimes lead our thoughts in funny directions! I got this email from my good friend, Lorie, and have been meaning to share it... (you crack me up, lo! i love you!)

I was sitting in chapel this morning listening to our speaker when he began sharing about Jesus feeding the multitude in John chapter six. He shared how the Lord abundantly blessed the meager offering of fish and bread and allowed it to feed thousands.

However, as I read along with him in the Bible, I noticed that Scripture ONLY mentions that the disciples collected 12 baskets of BREAD left over after the feeding. NO FISH. In other words, those people "tore up" that fish! It must have been fried!

Of course, I found this humerous at a not-so-much appropriate moment!! I hope you all are having a wonderful day!

Verses for Today

Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."

Lamentations 3:22-24

I've been thinking....

Can we ever get so far out of God's will that we become unusable to Him? Does He allow us to make decisions that will lead us off "His" path, even when we are seeking to do what is right? Does God's Will have only one right way, one right answer?
These questions have come up as I've started to think about what God might have for me after I finish seminary in a few weeks. I don't think it's His purpose for me to serve coffee forever, but maybe I'm wrong! I've talked to friends and people I trust, and they have encouraged me to continue seeking the Lord. It's hard for me to trust my own discernment, though. What if God doesn't make the right decision explicitly clear? Is it possible that He could lead me to a fork in the road where either path could be right, and I just have to choose?
I'll be honest- I don't like to make decisions! I don't like deciding what clothes to put on in the morning, or choosing what to eat for dinner- and do not ask me to choose a restaurant when other people are involved! I would much prefer if God would send me a letter or email, and say, "Jess, I want you to go to ______________ and do _____________." It scares me to think that it might be left up to me to make an informed decision and go with it.
I'm reading a book right now that points out that the most frequent command in Scripture is fear not. I'm not really afraid- yet- but yes, I'm anticipating it. Pray that God will give me a clear answer, or strengthen my faith so that I will trust Him to lead me to the right decision.

Living on the Edge

I've never been one to be afraid of changing my hairstyle. After all, it's just hair- and it will grow back! However, this was just a little too much for me to handle. Being a red-head was fun for the week, but if you haven't seen me by now, you're too late (unlike a funky haircut, I can un-do this one, and I am tomorrow!). As much as I like it, it's not me at all and I like it better on other people. Sorry, Kayla, you won't get to see this one in person!

On a more serious note, I spent Thursday and Friday at Catalyst, a Christian leadership conference here in Atlanta (http://www.catalystconference.com/). We got to hear from some amazing speakers, the worship times were incredible, and I was completely refreshed by the end of the two days. Erwin McManus, pastor of the Mosaic church in LA, talked about the story in John 9 where Jesus healed a blind man. He pointed out the irony of Jesus covering a blind man's eyes, and telling him to go (on his own) to a pool named Siloam (Siloam means sent). He then related it to how we, like the blind man, sometimes have to go blind where we are sent. Jesus doesn't always make sense in our human minds, and it's ok. We're not supposed to understand, we're just supposed to go in faith.

Does anyone really know me?

I spent a good part of today working on my Intro to Church Planting class. One of the things I had to do was take a spiritual gifts inventory, and discuss if I thought the results were accurate. It also asked if "people who know me best" confirmed those gifts, and I was actually pretty curious to know, so I called a few people. I talked to my grandmother, my little sister, and my college roommate. Before I told them the results, my Granny and Kayla both said they didn't think I would have scored very strongly on the gift that was actually highest! AND, they both chose one that they felt I had that was in the bottom three as well. Courtney (my old roommate) was fairly on target for most of the list.
Wierd, huh? I was surprised that my family didn't seem to know me, or know my heart, as well. So I began to wonder, why is that? Is it because I don't try to be "as Christ-like" around them? Or do they still think of me as I was growing up? After all, Courtney is the only one who has only known me as an adult. The more I thought about it, the more it saddened me. I should be serving my family more, and treating them better. It's easy to neglect them knowing that they will love me no matter what. No, I don't have to impress them, but I serve to be the hands & feet of Christ (not to impress men), and my family deserves that as much- if not more- from me than random strangers I don't know. I'm disappointed to realize this about myself.
I've been thinking & praying about the future again. Pray that I won't grow impatient waiting to hear back from the Lord, and that it will be a daily priority to be still and listen, so that I will be know when He's trying to answer.

Punishment, or Discipline?

I probably should have updated this a week ago, and it would be useless to try to explain where my time went last week, so I'll just pass over all that and jump right in.
After my "confessions" last week, I felt so much better to have shared my burden, not only with whoever is reading this, but with the Lord too. I decided to stay home last Sunday morning and have a good, long quiet time- just me & God. Not really knowing where to start, I began reading Beth Moore's Praying God's Word (the chapter about overcoming unbelief).
After reading and praying a while, I turned to Hebrews 11... faith has been tough for me lately. I froze on verse 8: By faith Abraham, when called to go... obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going.When I first felt the Lord moving me to leave Texas, this was the verse I clung to!! It was as if God was admonishing me- You used to believe me like this, Jess. Why don't you any more? That was my first lesson.
Then I went on to chapter 12, about discipline. I don't know how many times I've read this before, but it was so fresh. Verse 11: No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. This encouraged me so much! It's like God acknowledged that I'm in a difficult season, He knows where I am and He knows how I feel about it. And He also promised hope that there's a reason for the struggles and that I'll be better off for them. I'm not being punished, I'm being re-shaped.
One thing I love about reading scripture is that the Word of God is living and active (Hebrews 4:12). No matter how much I read, or how many times, it never gets old, it's always refreshing and exciting. I realized (again) that when I'm not hearing the Lord, it's not because He's not communicating with me. I forget to listen sometimes. Ok, a lot of times. It was good to sit and listen, and hear back from Him. I'm so thankful that God is faithful when I am faithless.

True Confessions

I haven't posted anything new in a while, partly because I've been struggling with some things and I didn't want anyone to notice. But maybe it's time to share, and let others pray for me and with me.
I've been a little frustrated with God lately. I still don't fully understand why He brought me to Atlanta, and I sure don't know where He's taking me once I graduate. And I've given up thinking about it (which is good). I've also given up praying about it (which is bad). I came to a point of feeling like I was just asking, asking, asking, and God wasn't answering. So why bother? I know this is the wrong attitude, I know God didn't bring me here and forget about me. I'm impatient and selfish, though, and I got tired of waiting. It's all a part of a bigger lesson- I've just had a little trouble catching on this time. Please pray with me that I will find my contentment and satisfaction in the Lord again, that I won't be distracted by my surroundings or lack of insight into the future.
I saw a movie this week about Africa (The Constant Gardener- great film, by the way). I cried as I saw the slums of Nairobi again and was reminded of all the amazing things I encountered there; and then I cried asking God why I'm in Atlanta, instead of there. His ways are so much higher than mine. It may be a year, or five years, or twenty years before I find myself overseas again. I definitely want to be obedient, but it's hard sometimes. I can't help but wonder if He's changing my calling- my heart sure hasn't changed. Please pray that I will be patient, and wait on the Lord's perfect timing, and that I will trust in His perfect plan.
Some good things have happened too, though. I don't think I posted here yet- The Water's Edge is my new church home. And tonight I started meeting with a women's small group. (Funny story about that-- one of my English lit. instructors from LSU is the leader of the group!! What a small world!)

O LORD God Almighty, who is like you? You are mighty, O LORD, and your faithfulness surrounds you. Psalm 89:8

--this one's for you t-ray! =)

Where is your home?

As I've watched the news this week and seen the pictures of the destruction of Hurricane Katrina, I've thought a lot about the concept of "home". What is "home" anyway?
My mom and I have discussed this idea many times, and we usually disagree- which is fine! (I love that we all have unique perceptions of the world) For example, Mom believes that home is where your family is. Dictionary.com offers several options (click the link to see those). But I've still struggled to come up with my own definition. I grew up in the suburbs of New Orleans, but my parents moved from there when I was in college, so now I go "home" to a town I never lived in myself. Sometimes I feel like my grandmother's house in north Louisiana is more "home" to me, simply because I've spent more time there with my whole family, and that's where we've gone for years. I have joked a lot about being a nomad the past few years, a wanderer without a home. But no matter what, New Orleans was always where I grew up. I haven't gone there much since my parents moved, but my roots were there.
All that to say, it's been hard seeing the images we have this week. My "home", as I knew it, will never be the same again. The city will be rebuilt, but it won't be familiar anymore. So will it still feel like "home"?
Sure, home matters, and roots matter. The history of my life and where I came from will never change, and my past has definitely shaped who I am today. It's that way for all of us. At the same time, though, I'm a much different person now than I used to be, and I definitely don't want to dwell on my old self. So, I'm back at the question, where is my home?

For we know that if the earthly tent which is our house is torn down, we have a home from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. 2 Corinthians 5:1

Essentially, when it all comes down, that's the only home that matters. The mansion that Jesus went ahead to prepare for us, that's home, and it will never be hit by a hurricane or looted or even fade. This life is not the goal; it's just the journey to get us there. And yes, the journey is bumpy and difficult at times, and often you can't see very far down the road you're travelling. It's ok! So what's the answer? Hurricane Katrina may have demolished the city where I was born and spent my childhood, but that doesn't change who I used to be, or who I've become. And it sure doesn't change my ultimate home. After all, I'm not even there yet.

Word from inside the storm zone

Technology is amazing!! My mom was able to send out an email using a neighbor's satellite internet connection. We're all so thankful and relieved to KNOW that everything is fine. Thanks again for your prayers!!

hi ya'll, I am so excited- I feel like I have just won the lottery. better than the lottery!!!!!!!!!! a neighbor has satellite internet so hopefully you will get this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE ARE OKAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

it was really scary and now it is just uncomfortable. we have some roof damage, but not bad. dave put tar paper up this morning where the plywood is showing. water leaked through the kitchen light fixture. but we are so blessed! the devastation is awful. it looks like jeremy's place after the tornado- but no trailers. all our houses are spared but we have probably lost half our big trees. unbelievable. the big oaks just layed over. God was watching us and the 2 oaks by our bedroom are still standing and about half of the tree that had the swing - the rest are down. we will be picking up limbs for years. the barn was spared. we have a tree on the little carport and one leaning on the gas tank but it seems okay.

we have our generator and fuel, so we have food, water, and a way to cook it. i have been frantic to get a message to you because i know that you are worried. no phone. we may not have electricity here for a month. dave and about 15 men back here spent 5 hours yesterday morning clearing the road to 21. right now 21 is blocked but they are supposed to have the national guard clearing it today. IF we can get out, we will probably come to granny's soon. we were packing to leave tomorrow mostly to get word to you, but if you dont see us don't get excited. i need to try to get to margie's house today. she and erin stayed and we haven't heard from them. st tammany has a lot of wind damage, and roads are impassable. kayla, i hope that you are ok. i have been sick with worry. keep in touch with granny and aunt joey. you can try to send me an email, i may check back tomorrow if i can, but just let me know you are okay. i love all of you! we will probably stay a little longer now but will go to granny's soon. don't worry, i love you!!!!!!!!!!!!! and we will get satellite internet!!!!!!!!!!!!!

love, mom

Now Praising!

Thank the Lord, we've finally made (indirect) contact with my parents, and have at least confirmed that they're safe! Kayla was able to get through to some friends from church who live nearby, and they have been in touch with mom & dad. They had several trees in the yard that are now uprooted, and lost some shingles which resulted in a roof leak, but are otherwise ok. They'll definitely have to head out of town since they don't anticipate the utilities returning for several weeks, but they're going to wait a few days to get things situated, and I think help the neighbors. (They're the only ones with running water since they have a generator to pump from the well, so everyone is showering at their house!)
It's such a relief to finally hear that all is well- the pictures on the news have been so disturbing. Thanks for all the prayers, phone calls, and emails as we waited!! Please continue to pray for the people who are still there, and for the ones who have suffered loss. Pray that God will be glorified as a result of this tragedy, that many will realize that the things of this earth will fade and only the Lord is steadfast. May He be praised!!!

The waiting continues

Still no word one & a half days later.... i don't like this!

Katrina

Please pray for my parents... they stayed at home to ride out the storm (just north of New Orleans), and neither their landline or cell phones are working. I talked to them this morning, but we haven't been able to reach them since the worst passed over that area.

Something I read-

I just read this in a book I'm working through for school, Miniskirts, Mothers, and Muslims. I can't believe how much I have enjoyed this one! (Thanks Dr. M!!)

How many times have we sat in a church meeting and felt isolated, or unwarmed in our hearts? Sometimes the formality of a meeting prevents people from being
natural, or cuts across direct communication with one another. Unless there is a
particularly caring group, a person could take part in worship without
experiencing direct personal contact with another.
In the New Testament the church is described as the family of God. Yet, the sense of family can be missing. It is especially difficult for people to share with others if they have nothing in common and the only shared experience is the formal meeting time. The Christian family needs shared family experiences together, just as a family does. This type of fellowship should be a regular part of our lives. It bonds
our local church because it combines two of the most important aspects of
community-based culture: hospitality and family.

I miss this...

Lessons

I'm learning a lot about relying on God for everything- to be my comfort, my friend, my strength... Until this past week, I was totally content, and the Lord consistently reminded me that my joy comes from Him, not from the things He's given me. I see now how I've let other things get in the way of that contentment. My times with Him are becoming more stable and more frequent. He's teaching me the meaning of the statement "You're all I need." For example, a few nights ago I was at the gym- feeling pretty tired and cranky- and I couldn't focus on my music or the book in front of me (while I rode a bike). I finally put it all away and spent the rest of that time praying and trying to clear my head. I was able to get a grip and found myself in a better frame of mind. It seems so simple, and I'm ashamed that some of these lessons seem so new and fresh to me.
Right now I think my biggest struggle/dilemma is knowing how actively I should be looking at my options for the future, or if I should just sit back and wait for God to put something in front of me. Should I be patient or pro-active? I have a hard time trusting my own discernment most of the time. I need some direction, even if it's just as simple as "wait" or "explore the possibilities".
In the midst of the confusion, though, I know that God is still good. He brought me to this place, and He will not leave me alone. It may not be the most comfortable situation all the time, but the Lord is drawing me closer to His side, and I wouldn't trade that for anything.

Girls just wanna have fun

Yesterday I returned to GA after 4 incredibly relaxing days at the beach with three of my best friends. Tracy, Lorie, Julie and I met in 2001, while we were all working in central Europe. We took a vacation to Greece and Macedonia together that Thanksgiving, and vowed that we'd have a reunion trip every few years. Earlier this summer, we were at one time all on different continents; last week was the first time we've all been together in four years! It was so good to catch up, laugh, eat junk, talk, relax in the hammock, and pray with these girls. It's funny- we're all so different, yet God has woven our hearts tightly into a beautiful, unique tapestry. For example, we couldn't help but laugh at the variety of reading materials we brought out to the beach one day- Let the Nations be Glad by Piper, The Feminist Mistake by Kassian, Self magazine, and Harry Potter. (I'll let you guess who was reading what!) We had so much fun!

Hopefully I'll have time tomorrow to share all that the Lord has been teaching me lately!

Currently homeless

God has given me so much to be thankful for. Although I still don't know "why", I know that He brought me to Atlanta for this time in my life, and it has been a sweet season of spiritual renewal so far.
The hardest part of moving, though, has been finding a new church home. I've been in a different church every Sunday for the past month, and still haven't found one that feels like home. Not even a little bit. Deer Creek Community Fellowship (back in Fort Worth) spoiled me. I've never really been a fan of mega-churches, or even large churches, but I thought that maybe if I found one with a good singles group and lots of people my age I could get over that. A shepherd is suppossed to know his sheep, though, and I don't want to be just a member of another church where my pastor won't know my name or recognize me in the grocery store. Also, I want to meet friends who share my passions & feelings about the church being a community of believers who treat one another like family.
And while I'm getting some of these things off my chest, can anyone explain to me how fancy light shows and smoke machines are suppossed to bring me closer to Jesus? Three out of four churches had one or both of those things! And I don't understand it. People feel the need to make the church more "seeker-sensitive" and appealing to non-believers, but when did Jesus and the Cross stop being enough? Do we really need a gimmick?
You might have guessed that this is something I'm really struggling with. I stayed in this morning and had a great time with the Lord, just me & Him, and tried out another church tonight, but these feelings were reinforced again. I know that I need fellowship with other believers, and I don't enjoy being a visitor week after week. Please pray for me that I'll find a church to call "home" soon!