True Confessions

I haven't posted anything new in a while, partly because I've been struggling with some things and I didn't want anyone to notice. But maybe it's time to share, and let others pray for me and with me.
I've been a little frustrated with God lately. I still don't fully understand why He brought me to Atlanta, and I sure don't know where He's taking me once I graduate. And I've given up thinking about it (which is good). I've also given up praying about it (which is bad). I came to a point of feeling like I was just asking, asking, asking, and God wasn't answering. So why bother? I know this is the wrong attitude, I know God didn't bring me here and forget about me. I'm impatient and selfish, though, and I got tired of waiting. It's all a part of a bigger lesson- I've just had a little trouble catching on this time. Please pray with me that I will find my contentment and satisfaction in the Lord again, that I won't be distracted by my surroundings or lack of insight into the future.
I saw a movie this week about Africa (The Constant Gardener- great film, by the way). I cried as I saw the slums of Nairobi again and was reminded of all the amazing things I encountered there; and then I cried asking God why I'm in Atlanta, instead of there. His ways are so much higher than mine. It may be a year, or five years, or twenty years before I find myself overseas again. I definitely want to be obedient, but it's hard sometimes. I can't help but wonder if He's changing my calling- my heart sure hasn't changed. Please pray that I will be patient, and wait on the Lord's perfect timing, and that I will trust in His perfect plan.
Some good things have happened too, though. I don't think I posted here yet- The Water's Edge is my new church home. And tonight I started meeting with a women's small group. (Funny story about that-- one of my English lit. instructors from LSU is the leader of the group!! What a small world!)

O LORD God Almighty, who is like you? You are mighty, O LORD, and your faithfulness surrounds you. Psalm 89:8

--this one's for you t-ray! =)

Where is your home?

As I've watched the news this week and seen the pictures of the destruction of Hurricane Katrina, I've thought a lot about the concept of "home". What is "home" anyway?
My mom and I have discussed this idea many times, and we usually disagree- which is fine! (I love that we all have unique perceptions of the world) For example, Mom believes that home is where your family is. Dictionary.com offers several options (click the link to see those). But I've still struggled to come up with my own definition. I grew up in the suburbs of New Orleans, but my parents moved from there when I was in college, so now I go "home" to a town I never lived in myself. Sometimes I feel like my grandmother's house in north Louisiana is more "home" to me, simply because I've spent more time there with my whole family, and that's where we've gone for years. I have joked a lot about being a nomad the past few years, a wanderer without a home. But no matter what, New Orleans was always where I grew up. I haven't gone there much since my parents moved, but my roots were there.
All that to say, it's been hard seeing the images we have this week. My "home", as I knew it, will never be the same again. The city will be rebuilt, but it won't be familiar anymore. So will it still feel like "home"?
Sure, home matters, and roots matter. The history of my life and where I came from will never change, and my past has definitely shaped who I am today. It's that way for all of us. At the same time, though, I'm a much different person now than I used to be, and I definitely don't want to dwell on my old self. So, I'm back at the question, where is my home?

For we know that if the earthly tent which is our house is torn down, we have a home from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. 2 Corinthians 5:1

Essentially, when it all comes down, that's the only home that matters. The mansion that Jesus went ahead to prepare for us, that's home, and it will never be hit by a hurricane or looted or even fade. This life is not the goal; it's just the journey to get us there. And yes, the journey is bumpy and difficult at times, and often you can't see very far down the road you're travelling. It's ok! So what's the answer? Hurricane Katrina may have demolished the city where I was born and spent my childhood, but that doesn't change who I used to be, or who I've become. And it sure doesn't change my ultimate home. After all, I'm not even there yet.