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I guess I need to sit here for a few minutes and tell ya'll what I decided about Colorado. After much consideration and prayer, I felt it was best not to move to CO right now. While I had a great time seeing the state and all the work going on out there, I never felt a stirring of the Holy Spirit that that was the place for me. I have to admit, I'm a little disappointed, but I also have peace that this is the right decision right now.
Which means I'm back in Atlanta, hanging out at Starbucks a little while longer. I'm still looking for the place of ministry God has prepared for me. (So if any of you hears of an opening in college ministry- let me know!) It's hard to wait, but I know that God is good, and He who began a good work will be faithful to complete it.
Friday, February 17, 2006
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Late night ramblings from 38,000 feet
I’m writing this from 38,669 feet in the air, somewhere over Missouri (according to the little map on the screen). So many thoughts are flying through my head, about as fast as this plane is traveling. It’s been a fantastic weekend! I got to see a lot of new things and new places, and I met some amazing new friends who are working diligently to reach college students all over Colorado.
At first, I thought it would be difficult to process and sort out all that I’ve taken in the past five days. I’ve visited eight campuses in five cities- and there were aspects that I liked, and some that I didn’t, of all of them. I asked a lot of questions, and I still don’t have all the answers.
I guess, ultimately, I don’t want the responsibility of making the decision whether or not I should move to Colorado. I don’t want to organize the past few days and make a fact-based decision. I know that I could join any of the teams I met with and be an asset to their ministry. I don’t think it’s a question of what I CAN do, or even what I WANT to do. I want God to make it perfectly, crystal clear. Sometimes He makes it that easy; other times, not so much. I’m afraid of Him leaving this one up to me. Is it too bold to ask God for a black & white answer? Because I don’t just want to know if I should move to Colorado, but also to which city & which campus. I’m willing to put it all out there.
So now I’m feeling like maybe the whole “processing” procedure shouldn’t be that hard at all. (now 38,748- about to cross the Mississippi river from Arkansas to Tennessee) I mean, I’m thankful for the opportunity to see all the options, and those experiences will help me pray more specifically for the work that’s developing on each campus, but maybe I don’t have to sort out anything.
I don’t often trust my own discernment. I don’t want to throw out a fleece like my good friend Gideon (Judges 6), but we think a lot alike. “If I have found favor in your eyes, God, give me a sign that it is really you talking to me.” (6:17)
Last summer in Kenya, I received a clear object lesson. God promises that His Word will be a light unto our path (not a floodlight into the future, like I often look for). Psalm 119:105. Ok, so Kenya…. There were thorny Acacia trees all over the place, and I was paranoid that I was going to run into one of the branches and stab myself in the forehead. I often wished that I had two flashlights, one for my feet, and one to scan up ahead. But I only had one. I was so nervous about the random trees that I usually ignored the path my feet were on and tried to see what was coming, which resulted in me tripping over a loose rock and gashing open my toe. The lesson: quit worrying about what’s ahead, and pay attention to where you are.
The longer I sit here, the more I think I need to go back to Atlanta, and just pray and wait. Not to process, but to be still, and know that He is God and His name will be exalted among the nations (Psalm 46:10).
I’ve now rambled across five states (33,511 feet) and I’m not entirely sure this will make sense to anyone but me. But here it is.
At first, I thought it would be difficult to process and sort out all that I’ve taken in the past five days. I’ve visited eight campuses in five cities- and there were aspects that I liked, and some that I didn’t, of all of them. I asked a lot of questions, and I still don’t have all the answers.
I guess, ultimately, I don’t want the responsibility of making the decision whether or not I should move to Colorado. I don’t want to organize the past few days and make a fact-based decision. I know that I could join any of the teams I met with and be an asset to their ministry. I don’t think it’s a question of what I CAN do, or even what I WANT to do. I want God to make it perfectly, crystal clear. Sometimes He makes it that easy; other times, not so much. I’m afraid of Him leaving this one up to me. Is it too bold to ask God for a black & white answer? Because I don’t just want to know if I should move to Colorado, but also to which city & which campus. I’m willing to put it all out there.
So now I’m feeling like maybe the whole “processing” procedure shouldn’t be that hard at all. (now 38,748- about to cross the Mississippi river from Arkansas to Tennessee) I mean, I’m thankful for the opportunity to see all the options, and those experiences will help me pray more specifically for the work that’s developing on each campus, but maybe I don’t have to sort out anything.
I don’t often trust my own discernment. I don’t want to throw out a fleece like my good friend Gideon (Judges 6), but we think a lot alike. “If I have found favor in your eyes, God, give me a sign that it is really you talking to me.” (6:17)
Last summer in Kenya, I received a clear object lesson. God promises that His Word will be a light unto our path (not a floodlight into the future, like I often look for). Psalm 119:105. Ok, so Kenya…. There were thorny Acacia trees all over the place, and I was paranoid that I was going to run into one of the branches and stab myself in the forehead. I often wished that I had two flashlights, one for my feet, and one to scan up ahead. But I only had one. I was so nervous about the random trees that I usually ignored the path my feet were on and tried to see what was coming, which resulted in me tripping over a loose rock and gashing open my toe. The lesson: quit worrying about what’s ahead, and pay attention to where you are.
The longer I sit here, the more I think I need to go back to Atlanta, and just pray and wait. Not to process, but to be still, and know that He is God and His name will be exalted among the nations (Psalm 46:10).
I’ve now rambled across five states (33,511 feet) and I’m not entirely sure this will make sense to anyone but me. But here it is.
Sunday, February 05, 2006
Colorado is COLD!!!
So I've been in Colorado since Thursday night, and the theme of the trip so far has been "Cold Feet" (and I'm not talking about my nerves!). I sat in one of the retreat sessions yesterday, and never took off my coat OR my mittens! And that was even with thermals under my jeans, 2 undershirts, and 2 pairs of socks!!! Now, there were students running around in t-shirts and flip flops, so maybe it was just me. But I doubt it!!
I've toured around Denver and Colorado Springs so far, and I'm in Boulder now. I've seen Mile-High Stadium, the Garden of the Gods, the Air Force Academy and Chapel, Pikes Peak, and the Flat Irons, and Canadian geese, a prairie dog, and a wolf. It's been a lot of fun, in spite of the harassment I got yesterday from the guys who work in Colorado Springs. (They were driving me around town and said something about Pikes Peak, and I innocently asked, "Which one is that?" Apparently they thought it was obviously the biggest mountain, but they didn't understand that they're all enormous to me!)
Even though it's winter and everything is pretty much brown, it's all beautiful. The landscape is so much different from what I'm used to! The mountains have served as a visual reminder that God is so huge, and I am so small. As I've been praying about whether or not this is where God wants me to serve, I've been overcome by the fact that the same God who created the giant mountains loves me enough to be concerned with the details of my life.
Please pray with me that God would reveal clearly if this is where He wants me to serve, or if I should continue to wait on Him.
I've toured around Denver and Colorado Springs so far, and I'm in Boulder now. I've seen Mile-High Stadium, the Garden of the Gods, the Air Force Academy and Chapel, Pikes Peak, and the Flat Irons, and Canadian geese, a prairie dog, and a wolf. It's been a lot of fun, in spite of the harassment I got yesterday from the guys who work in Colorado Springs. (They were driving me around town and said something about Pikes Peak, and I innocently asked, "Which one is that?" Apparently they thought it was obviously the biggest mountain, but they didn't understand that they're all enormous to me!)
Even though it's winter and everything is pretty much brown, it's all beautiful. The landscape is so much different from what I'm used to! The mountains have served as a visual reminder that God is so huge, and I am so small. As I've been praying about whether or not this is where God wants me to serve, I've been overcome by the fact that the same God who created the giant mountains loves me enough to be concerned with the details of my life.
What a wildly wonderful world, God! You made it all, with
Wisdom at your side, made earth overflow with your wonderful creations. psalm 104:24 (the message)
Please pray with me that God would reveal clearly if this is where He wants me to serve, or if I should continue to wait on Him.
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