Sunday Afternoon Ponderings

Today looked like a typical Sunday... church, lunch with friends, nap on the couch. And it was a really good day. But it wasn't supposed to look like this!
Rob and I were supposed to spend the day in Brno, Czech Republic with friends. We were supposed to be sharing memories about our time in Prague this week, and getting ready to go to Bucharest tomorrow. This week didn't turn out anything like we'd planned. (You can read the full update on our trip delay over at Gypsy Business.)
Our pastor has been preaching through the book of Exodus, but he took a break today to talk about prayer. If I didn't know better, I would think that God interrupted the Exodus series just for me, because I needed this morning's message a little more than the 10 commandments today.
For the last month, I've struggled in my prayer life. Not necessarily with praying itself, but with how to pray. I've wanted to pray boldly and confidently and ask God for something big. And I didn't. Somehow, I couldn't. At first, I felt like it was asking too much. I never doubted God's power, or His ability to answer. I just didn't believe that He would, because I didn't deserve it. I was afraid to ask for something that might not be in God's Will- not knowing for sure if it was or wasn't. Then I moved to fear of rejection- I would rather not ask, than ask and be told no. Morning by morning, I wrestled with the Lord, and never allowing myself to voice my request. "Lord, you know what's in my heart, so I'll just leave it at that. Do with it what you will." Somehow I convinced myself that was safe, and enough.
I knew that I needed to approach the Lord differently, and make my request known. I even searched for scriptures, and filled a page in my Daytimer with verses that command us to "ASK". I don't know why this was so hard for me.
The sermon this morning was from Luke 18. One of the points that really resonated with me was the idea of going to the Lord like a child. Scott pointed out that kids aren't afraid to ask anything, and generally aren't afraid to ask for anything. They ask questions and make requests all day long, curiously and innocently. Is this really what God wants from me?
Back up a couple of days, to Tuesday afternoon. At the same time I had been planning to get on a plane, instead I sat on my patio in the sunshine with my Bible. I turned to John 16, and had to stop for a while when I got to verse 24:

Until now you have asked nothing in my name.

ASK NOW, and you will receive, that your joy may be complete.

(caps added for my own emphasis)

Ask now. I heard the Lord, loud and clear, and I knew what He was asking of me. I knew that I needed to be bold. I've been praying a whole lot this week, more boldly than I ever have. And I'm thankful that God has repeated this admonition to me over and over the past few days. I know that God doesn't depend on my prayers, and what a relief! I am thankful that I serve a faithful, loving God who desires to hear from me- just because. I've learned to trust Him on a new level this week. And if that is why I'm sitting in my living room in Nashville today instead of the Czech Republic, it's totally worth it.